Ryslig | IC Contact

[raidraptors]

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, SHUN KUROSAKI. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 235.59.665.46 *** XYZ-RAPTOR has joined 235.59.665.46 <XYZ-RAPTOR> Keep it short.

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[operadiance]

[ The rest of her remains still, but her tail flicks from side to side behind her knees — as always, a betrayer of her wavering thoughts. Yuzu ends up stepping backwards, falling to a sit on the raised ledge of the roof; her wings shift, drawing close to her back.

What is she supposed to say? Guilt hangs in her throat. She can't confess it to Shun, of all people...

Yuzu bites her lip, glancing back at Yuto. ]

There was... there was something we never resolved, him and I. That's a lot of it. But...

[raidraptors]

[Shun steps forward to sit down beside her, a silent and steady presence at her side, his arms crossing as he settles to listen. He doesn't know what it is that's plaguing her thoughts, but…]

Tell me.

[Whatever it is that she regrets so terribly that Yuto has come to remind her of it, it can't possibly be that bad. Shun is sure he's done much worse himself.]

[operadiance]

[ Her arms uncross; her hands settle on the hard curves of her knees. She doesn't look at Yuto. She doesn't look at Shun. ]

There's something we talked about before. In Maiami City, before all of... this. Back when you guys were skulking around.

[ When things didn't make sense, but they made more sense than this world ever would. When Yuto spent half his time stalking her, while Shun was sealing people into cards... her toes tap the rooftop. ]

He didn't like to see me using Fusion. [ A pause; she scoffs. ] Obviously. But... back then, he told me my reason was good. I wanted to learn it so I could be stronger. So I could protect my friends, and the things that were important to me. He said it was okay to use it for something like that.

I had no idea what he was talking about then. I didn't even know there were other dimensions yet. But since then... it's stuck with me. If it's for the sake of my friends, then even doing something terrible is... not okay, but not bad.

... But we're a pretty long way from then.

[ Far away from Maiami, from Standard — from the four dimensions, where something as simple as summoning method made such a big deal. It feels like somebody else's life, for how different it is from the world Yuzu lives in now. ]

[raidraptors]

[He nods – of course Yuto wouldn't like her using Fusion, Shun hadn't – still doesn't – liked it either, but he agrees with what Yuto seems to have told her… if it's her using Fusion, if it's to protect the people and places that matter to her, yes.

Still. It's been months, over a year since they had navigated the shadows of Standard, since Yuto had told her those words… a long way, as she had said, and now Shun can only wonder…]

Why are you thinking of that now?

[What has she done that she considers 'terrible', that she clearly seems to regret and yet tries to justify to herself? What is it that he doesn't know?]

[operadiance]

I...

[ What can she say? Nothing about Yuto. Nothing about the death he made her promise to keep secret, and how it was Yuzu alone that was left with a corpse whole enough to bury. Nothing about her own death. Nothing about the desperation to escape an existence that desired nothing more than to consume the lives of the people who loved her. Nothing about the truth of power she received in return — the suffering she inflicts on herself to help the others, the way it burns to be used.

Her tail swings like a metronome over the ledge of the roof. Yuto's crossed arms grow ashen, cracking along the lines of his bones, and falling to pieces in dust. ]

I've lost count. Of how many people I've killed.

[ She fiddles with her bracelet, folding the two bands into one ring, then back out into two. Her voice is quiet, and slow, and she stumbles over her words. She doesn't look up. ]

How many lives I've ended... how many families I've destroyed. How many people must be grieving for what I've done. And I know — I know I don't have a choice! That if I want to survive, if I want... to return to my own world, to protect the existence I love, I don't have any other choice. But... but when isn't that good enough? How am I supposed to know when, when my reasons aren't good enough? There has to be a limit, doesn't there? How can I be the one to decide which world has more value? Which people deserve to live? To die?

I don't... I can't see that boundary. I don't think I ever could. And it scares me.